This Blows!

“When you walk through the storm hold your head up high. And don’t be afraid of the dark…Walk on through the wind. Walk on through the rain… Though your dreams be tossed and blown” – Oscar Hammerstein/Carousel

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“You always seems to get the crappy weather days,” The tax preparer looked up from her computer as I walked in the door.

“Really?”

We were in the heart of winter. I figured they were all crappy days.

“Guess I’m just lucky,” I grumbled and headed to the back of the office to get in costume.

As March roared in, I started to think she might be onto something. After weeks of freezing temperatures, dreary gray skies and more snow days than I could ever recall Mother Nature decided to drop in with a taste of summer. We experienced three glorious weekends in a row with temperatures in the upper 70s. Did I happen to mention I don’t work on the weekends?

By Sunday evening Mother Nature had packed up her sunny disposition and split town. The big tease! Temperatures plummeted 30 degrees overnight and some meteorologists reported a chance of more snow. Just in time for Costumed Mama to hit the streets on Monday morning.

In the midst of the worst weather WVEC Channel 13 News built an ice desk from which to broadcast their weather reports. Lady Liberty was not to be outdone. Snowplows provided her with a huge frozen pedestal at the edge of the parking lot following a big storm. (wish I had a photo) I climbed the eight- foot snow pile, my boots sinking into the fresh snow with every step. I managed to tamp down a small 4′ x 4′ level space at the top all the while fearing I’d hit a sinkhole and be swallowed by the massive iceberg. Either that or lose my footing and slide down the hill into oncoming traffic. You could call my performance that day a cross between extreme snowboarding and clumsy shuffling. Or you could just call it stupid.

I battled rain, snow, sleet, and cold temperatures, but by far the most relentless and vicious opponent was the wind.

I hate the wind.

I don’t even like the draft created by a ceiling fan. My husband and I argue over what speed to set the fan. I vote for zero. He prefers something in the tropical storm range. There were days on the street this winter when the fan was set on jet speed. You know it’s going to be a bad day when the cement filled buckets used to hold the Liberty flags are knocked over.

Wind is a bully. It ruins everything. It shows up uninvited, forces it’s way in and takes away all my toys.

A stubborn wind takes the shimmy out of my pom poms. It turns my ribbon streamer’s ballet into a krump fest. It pulls on my hula hoop and rattles my torch.

Trying to hold a sign in the wind is like arm wrestling an invisible opponent as he blows in your face the whole time.

I hate the wind.

It’s persistent in its efforts to yank my crown off. I safety pin it to my wool hat. I bobby pin it into my hair. It still pulls and tugs and won’t let go.

I hate the wind.

It’ll blow a smile off your face and bring tears to your eyes. It’ll slap your cheeks raw and whistle in delight as it bites off your nose. It violates you, piercing through clothes and seeking any small bit of exposed flesh to rip raw.

I hate the wind.

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Just when it can’t get worse, I’ve had a shit day…I think that life’s too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss. I think I’ve had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.” –Pink/Blow Me One Last Kiss

 

GOOD NEWS:

The weather is supposed to be perfect for Liberty Tax Service’s Roadside Party this Sunday, April 13,  2:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m. at 1020E N. Battlefield Blvd. Chesapeake, VA It’s the perfect opportunity to meet Costumed Mama and get your taxes done just in case you’ve waited until the last minute. There will be plenty of preparers to help you. They’re really nice and good at what they do. Even if you’ve completed your taxes already, whether on your own or with another tax preparer, Liberty Tax can double check it and make sure you got all the deductions possible. And they’ll do that free! There’s food, drink and raffle prizes too. Click here for all the details.

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